i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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