so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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