it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
