he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
