So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize