What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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