did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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