I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize