Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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