if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
