God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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