I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
