Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
