I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
