Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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