So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
