im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
