Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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