Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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