dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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