Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
