What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
