She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
