6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize