why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
