I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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