after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
