I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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