i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
