Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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