there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
