Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
