I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
