Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
