Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
