party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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