The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
