Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
