What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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