the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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