only if we run a train.
done.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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