another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
