Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
