i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
