i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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