I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize