If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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