I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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