Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
