Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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