i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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