Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who died my cat blue again?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
