Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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