That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
