just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
