You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
