he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
