so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He better not be in your backpack
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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