Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
