I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
