I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
