i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
