so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The air was thick with penises
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
