Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
