I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
