so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
