am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
