I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
