oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
