I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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