We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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