paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
