I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There are leaves in my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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