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Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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